Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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