so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
