I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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