Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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