I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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