oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
