playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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