Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
