if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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