I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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