I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
whose parrot is this?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
