I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
