If i come over, it means nothing
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
