small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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