so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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