where am i from again
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
