Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
