I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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