I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
