I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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