do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
