you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
