it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
