i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
two words: eviction party
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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