Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
