is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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