is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
