bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
