This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
