wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
