new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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