Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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