I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
