what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
