Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
