I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
