halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
