You're my little dorito
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
