I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
