i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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