don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
