He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
