never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
