Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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