I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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