Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
