the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
