So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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