I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
