"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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