Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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