i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
