Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
