I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
