every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
