Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
