I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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