Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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