My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
