Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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