I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
