Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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