Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
