When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
