Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
