He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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