I could make wine with my vomit
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
