Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
