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Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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