i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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